Speaking of Mr. Bordwell…

David Bordwell has an interesting post on his site about the sorry state of action scenes in American films today.

Girl on Girl action concurs. A lot. (Check both posts out; they’re pretty awesome.)

I have to agree, too.  They just don’t make them like they used to.

Who Wouldn’t Want to go to Film School?

Yesterday, I told you why going to film school is stupid and pointless. Today, I’ll explain why it can be smart and pointful.

When I graduated from high school, I didn’t know any more about filmmaking than what I’d read in Entertainment Weekly. I knew there had to be a writer, and actors. I knew there was something called a “director,” but I didn’t know what he did, or why his name also appeared under “a film by.”

After one semester, I suddenly knew names like Truffaut, Murch, and Storaro. Of course, you could just add AFI’s top 100 movies to your Netflix queue. Between the commentary tracks and making-of videos, you’d get a pretty good introduction to film. You might want to read up on your David Bordwell, while you’re at it.

There is one thing you get in film school that you can’t get in your living room– other film students.

A university can be a safety net. Like Sarah, I come from a relatively minor upper-midwest metro area. I didn’t know anybody who wanted to make movies.

Then I moved to the second largest city in the country. Film school was a safe transition, where I was surrounded by other people of my age and temperament.

And there’s the institutional connections you get from a good film school. Internships are a great way to meet people, not to mention getting some real world experience. Plus, internships can have a magical habit of turning into real jobs. You can’t get an internship without earning college credit.

Learning the ropes, making connections, and getting your first gig are all possible without film school, but film school can make it easier.

But not all film schools are the same. Tomorrow, I’ll talk about some of the differences.

Who Needs Film School?

Reader Sarah asks:

I recently graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in English Literature, but am very interested in becoming involved with film production. Problem is: I live in Wisconsin. But am very close to Minneapolis, Minnesota. Not exactly the hub of film production.

Anyway. The question is: where to start? Obviously, moving to L.A. seems the best bet, but I wonder if pursuing a Masters in Film would be ideal beforehand.

With the economy the way it is, I really don’t know what the safest path is.

Well, the first thing you need to know is, there is no safe path in Hollywood, no matter how good or bad the larger economy is.

They say we’re “recession proof,” but that just means we’re just as prone to random fluctuations of joblessness/homelessness/considering-getting-into-porn as we always are.

That being said, my definitive answer to the question of film school is… it depends.

The thing to remember about film school is that it’s not the same as med school. In the operating room, you wouldn’t want some uneducated goof winging it and hoping for the best; in a movie, it can be considered high art.

Bad.

Good.

Film school does not guarantee you a job. Nor does being a high drop out altogether hinder your job prospects. Just ask a grip. Zing!

Anyway.

You could move out here tomorrow (well, not tomorrow), and find some sort of job, if you know how to look.

So, if film school is unnecessary, why would anyone want to spend thousands of dollars for a sheet of sheepskin?

Read tomorrow to find out…

(That’s what we call call a “tease,” in the blogging business.)

Practical Jokes

There’s a lot of downtime on a film set.  Sometimes you play games.  Sometimes you play practical jokes.  Here are some of my favorites–

A friend of mine had one of those screensavers that plays a slideshow of pictures from your computer.  Naturally, he chose a file that consisted mostly of Rebecca Romijn in a swimsuit.  So, I downloaded a gay porn photo and changed the file name to Rebecca010.jpg.

The dude had so many photos that it was weeks before he even happened to be sitting in front of the computer when the picture came up.  It took him an hour to find the right one.

A week later, I Googled “naked fat chick” and did the same thing.  In retaliation, he randomly reassigned the keys on my keyboard.

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At a game testing company, one of my friends left his Myspace profile open during lunch.  Another guy saw this, and decided to send a mass e-mail to all of my friend’s buddies, saying he was coming out of the closet.

The gag was kind of a misfire, in that my friend received e-mails from many a distressed female admirer, expressing their dismay.  Quite an ego boost.

- – -

My roommate liked to print out the word “Gullible,” and tape it to the ceiling.  He’d say to people, “You know, ‘gullible’ is written on the ceiling.”

No one would ever look up.  “Oh, yeah, sure.  And I bet it’s not in the dictionary, either.”

It was awesome.

- – -

And now I hope to harness the power of the internet.  I’m writing a script that involves a guy playing a practical joke on another guy.  It’s actually a running gag, as they play jokes on each other throughout the movie (including some of those above).

Unfortunately, I’ve run out of ideas.  I need a musician playing a joke on a computer nerd, in a house, in the early morning.  I am totally stuck.

If you have any funny practical jokes, post them below.  You might read it in a script some day!

Merry Christmas, et al.

A while back, I had a Jewish boss. Around this time of year, he told me he didn’t understand how people could possibly be offended by “merry Christmas.” It’s just wishing someone well, after all.

So, he sent me Hanukkah cards, and I sent him Christmas cards, and all was right with the world. Makes sense, huh?

James Taranto, of the Wall Street Journal Online, has an interesting theory:

Have you noticed that hardly anyone says “Merry Christmas” anymore? At an institutional level, this has been going on for years, with schools declaring “winter” vacations and companies throwing “holiday” parties. But of late we’ve noticed an interpersonal change: People are much more timid in offering seasonal greetings, as if they’re walking on eggshells for fear of giving offense.

Why? We blame John Gibson. Three years ago, he published a book called “The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought.”

Gibson is certainly right that the ACLU types who go around suing over Nativity scenes and the like are pests and knuckleheads. But those who declare themselves pro-Christmas belligerents in this “war” have done more than anyone to promote the notion that significant numbers of people are offended by “Merry Christmas” and that expressing that anodyne sentiment is an act of aggression.

Most people, when greeting acquaintances or strangers, don’t want to start a culture war, and now they’re taking extra care not to offend. That is why Christmas lost the war on Christmas.

Personally, I prefer Krusty’s way: So, have a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, a kwaazy Kwanza, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn, dignified, Ramadan. And now a word from MY god, our sponsors!

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Unrelated, but Girl on Girl Action made me giggle today.

Who the Hell Watches NCIS?

My parents, apparently.

One of the great mysteries for those of us who make television (and if you’re feeling generous, that would include me) is who the hell watches those procedural dramas that take up a good chunk of the Neilson’s weekly top 20. I literally don’t know anyone who watch them.

Then, just today, I introduced my dad to the wonder that is internet television, he immediately asked where he could find CBS shows, so he could download the latest episode of NCIS.

Can’t he just buy a copy of A Few Good Men and watch it once a week?  It’s pretty much the same thing.

You Can’t Go Home Again

I had dinner at my parents’ house, last night.  I noticed that the silverware  no longer had the flowery pattern I remembered from my youth.  Instead, there were these new, lighter forks and spoons with no pattern at all.

This minor change from the last time I was here, a year ago, struck me surprisingly hard.  It really was the last vestige of childhood in my parents’ house.  All of the furniture, from couches to the dining table, had been replaced.  The kitchen is remodeled.  I wasn’t even sleeping on the single bed with the dinosaur sheets (much as my wife would have liked that).

I think a certain time period, maybe when you’re nine or ten, gets stuck in your head, and that’s what you think of as your home.

The fact is, your parents change just as much as you do.  More so, actually, since they can afford to upgrade their Ikea furniture.

Travels

I just returned home for Christmas. The trip was uneventful. By which I mean, my wife and I were stuck in O’Hare airport for six hours in the middle of the night, and there was nothing to do.

Did you know they have a Brachiosaurus? (My spellchecker wants me to write “brontosaurus,” which is wrong.) It’s cool the first seven times you walk past it. After that, it starts to get old.

We did have a chance to listen to our eight favorite Christmas songs on a loop. Man, when you actually listen to those lyrics, you start to realize how strange some of those songs are. Take “Winter Wonderland“:

Later on, we’ll conspire,
As we dream by the fire.

“We’ll conspire?” Is this some kind of supervillain Christmas?

And then there’s “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year“:

There’ll be parties for hosting,
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow.
There’ll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the…

Whoa, there. Back up that one horse open sleigh, buddy. “Scary ghost stories?” I think somebody has some issues with Christmas.

This movie is just as awesome as it sounds.

The repetitive music wouldn’t be so horrible, if there was something to do. All of the stores closed by eleven, even the restaurants. There were literally hundreds of people shuffling around the terminal, and not one of them could find a midnight snack. Plus, we weren’t allowed to leave, because even the TSA had closed up shop, and wouldn’t be opening security until 4:00AM.

When I get some money, I’m gonna buy me one of those stalls. I’ll keep it open 24 hours, and I’ll charge $12.50 for a grilled cheese sandwich.

“Twelve fifty for a grilled cheese sandwich?! How do you sleep at night?”
“On a bed made of money, with golden pillows, and sheets woven from the dreams of starving orphans.”

Then, I will truly be a Republican.

And While We’re on the Subject…

Coincidentally, John August was also dispensing career advice today.

Very few others see such a jump in pay grade as the writer, but his advice is still probably good for anybody climbing up the Hollywood ladder.

The one think I take issue with is his $850 per week figure. I don’t know any assistant making 850 a week; I feel seriously undervalued.

Where to Begin…

Reader Robert has a few questions–

I have no experience in the entertainment industry – do productions ever consider or hire candidates with absolutely no experience?

Having no experience is one of the key qualifications of being a PA.  If you had experience, you’d find a better job.

But the truth is, you do have some qualifications.  What you lack in experience, you more than make up for in enthusiasm and energy.  Seriously, put that in your cover letter.

And I’ll assume you’ve done your research, which gives you something to talk about when you meet with the coordinator or AD.  Half of being a PA is being able to follow directions, and half is just generally being a nice person to hang around with for fifteen hours a day.

Remember, you may have to put up with your boss’s annoying quirks, but this is an at-will job.  They can fire you at any time, or not hire you in the first place, if you’re incapable of carrying on an intelligent conversation.

I am looking to relocate to another city and have researched television productions in other areas – would they consider hiring someone who is currently not local but is willing to relocate to their area?

By “another city,” I assume you mean “not Los Angeles.”  I’m not sure how much help I can be here.   I’ve lived my entire adult life in Los Angeles, and I haven’t had a job outside the industry since I quit working at the grocery store the summer after my senior year of high school.

(I was a stock boy on the night shift.  One of the guys I worked with kept insisting that I write a horror movie set in a grocery store called “Night Stalkers.”  He also videotaped himself having sex with women without their knowledge.  By which I mean, they didn’t know they were being taped; they were fully aware they were engaged in a sexual act.  I hope.  In any case, I disregarded his career advice.)

Anyway.

In Hollywood, jobs tend to get filled quickly.  This summer, I heard about a job at ten in the morning.  I sent in my resume.  I got a call at eleven, and was told to come in to interview at four.  At seven, the coordinator called to tell me I had the job, and I was to report to the office at 8:00AM.

You can see how being “willing to relocate” might not be helpful in this circumstance.

I have no idea if things work this fast when you’re applying for a job at the public access station in Des Moines, Iowa.  I imagine the pool of job applicants is a lot shallower, but that may be my parochial view of the entertainment industry.

Maybe one of my other readers can give you more accurate advice?