The Anonymous Production Assistant’s Blog

Entries categorized as ‘About Me’

Elitist Prick

November 12, 2009 · 8 Comments

I was planning on writing a different post today, until I received a comment on Tuesday’s post from “PA.”

I really liked this blog until your lecturing rant about the use of the word L.A. I can’t figure out if it’s just you trying to prove how smart you are or something else. People say L.A. everyday here, so really who cares but you. Let’s start up a posse of PA’S and rundown anyone who refers to our city as L.A. Give me a break elitist prick.

I tried to reply to PA directly, but the email s/he supplied didn’t work.  So, I’m writing a whole post about it.

I’ll be perfectly honest, I don’t get a lot of comments in this vein, and it kinda hurt my feelings.

I have some peculiar hobby horses, and the L.A./Los Angeles thing is one of the odder ones.  Of course, I was also exaggerating my passion on the subject for the sake of comedic effect.  Call me pedantic if you must (’cause it’s true), but “elitist prick”?  That’s pretty harsh.

And this is a limitation with the written word, I think.  How many times have you made a joke or a sarcastic comment in an email, and it was taken the wrong way?

This is how I get to work.

My bad.

Categories: About Me
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Soldiers, Farmers, and Poets

August 24, 2009 · 6 Comments

A recent post on the Freakonomics website feature the following quote:

“I must study Politicks and War that my sons may have liberty to study Mathematicks and Philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematicks and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, musick, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelaine.”
John Adams, Letter to Abigail Adams, May 12, 1780.

My grandpa fought in WWII. My dad was a computer engineer. I work in TV. Not exactly porcelain-making, it’s true, but still.

Every generation wants their children’s lives to be better, but no one succeeded on such a grand scale as The Greatest Generation. They defeated the Nazis, transformed the economy from agrarian/industrial-based to consumer-based, and fucked their way to the biggest baby boom in modern history.

The children of Woodstock were much the opposite. They had the most material comfort of any generation, and no concrete threat like fascist Germany. Basically, they had a lot of time on their hands, and didn’t know what to do with themselves. Why do you think teenagers were invented in the 60s? A sixteen-year old used to be manual labor or a mother. Now they could “study mathematics and philosophy,” not to mention protest in the streets while burning bras and draft cards.

This goes even further for my generation. We can do things now that was science fiction even twenty years ago. Kids my age are so comfortable and lazy that we can’t even muster the energy to leave the house, much less protest.

Which makes me wonder about my kids. No one ever considered what happens after poet.

Categories: About Me · The Industry
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Google

August 11, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Quick post tonight (it’s late), then a serious one tomorrow.

I googled several combinations of my anonymous self, and found some interesting results. I hold the number one spot for both “anonymous production assistant” and “production assistant blog.” I’m right behind anonymousassistant.com in a search for “anonymous assistant.”

But if you look up “production assistant,” I don’t even crack the top 50! There’s seriously something wrong there. I mean what does eHow know about being a PA that I don’t?

Categories: About Me · Off-Topic
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Call for Stories

August 7, 2009 · 1 Comment

I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now.  My original intention was to write a new post every day.  These last few weeks (not to mention an inbox full of “have you quit or what?” emails) have convinced me that perhaps I can no longer maintain that pace alone.

So, I’m asking you, now and former production assistants, to send me your stories.  After all, how many Stupid Actress Stories can one guy have, before he starts repeating himself?

Because this is an anonymous blog, you can tell your tale freely and honestly.  In fact, if I do my job correctly, the readers won’t even know which stories are me, and which have been sent in by others.  (Truth be told, some old posts are second-hand accounts that I’ve transformed into first person.)

As an added bonus, those aspiring to enter the business will read a broader range of perspectives than my meager experience can provide alone.

Lastly, I hope to pass this site on to someone else, one day, after I’ve moved on to bigger and better things.  This will help begin the passing of the torch.

If you’re interested, please email me at the address provided to the right.

Categories: About Me · Off-Topic
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Colorful Response

July 1, 2009 · 5 Comments

Just over a week ago, I related an anecdote about the producer’s assistant indirectly checking that the intern was doing her job correctly.

A lot of people took exception to the assistant’s methods.  Final Girl’s comment was typical:

What a passive agressive moron. I hate people.

I have to admit, this surprised me.  At the time, everybody in the office laughed at this assistant’s joke, including the intern.

This leads me to wonder, did I fail to convey the levity of the situation?  Or are my readers correct, and the guy is actually a douche?

These are questions every writer must struggle with.

The Anonymous Production Assistant, hard at work on the next blog post.

The Anonymous Production Assistant, hard at work on the next blog post.

Categories: About Me · Writing
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Links, Links, and More Links

June 18, 2009 · 1 Comment

I received a very lovely email today, from Heather of Howcast.com:

Your blog makes me laugh, and reminds me why I ran far from set work…It’s not easy! Although, the “There’s Always Someone Below You” post made me happy….it’s *not* easy, but it has its rewards for sure.

Anyway, I figure as a PA, you may already make your own films and videos or you may know lots and lots of PAs who do, and we’re launching a pretty cool contest this week — the How-To Video Challenge. We’re asking filmmakers, video artists, and DIYers to come up with a fresh, original approach to the how-to video.

First prize is $2000. We’ve got awesome judges lined up — Peter Baxter, Slamdance Film Festival; Jeff Cooperman, The Colbert Report; Charles Merzbacher, Boston University; Katherine Sharpe, ReadyMade Magazine; Tim Sullivan, Magical Elves (Project Runway, Top Chef). And, the top submissions will be showcased across online, mobile and off-line platforms.

The contest is the perfect opportunity for us to reward the creativity of the filmmakers we work with and to challenge a whole new community of film and video makers and DIYers.

Here are all the links entrants need to get started:

The How-To Video Challenge…Knock our socks off. We dare you.
Guidelines.
Rules.

Thanks so much!

-Heather
Managing Producer, Emerging Filmmakers Program
Howcast Media

Heather didn’t know it at the time, but I’m actually already one of Howcast’s “Emerging Filmmakers.” I won’t tell you which one, of course.  :)

It’s actually a pretty cool program. They give you a script and voice over (along with a nice little music library), and all you have to do is shoot whatever you want. Some of the how to videos are funny, some are straight forward, but they’re all pretty good. Plus, you get fifty bucks out of the deal, so I highly recommend it.

- – -

While I’m linking to other sites, here’s a few more:

MIT has done a fantastic study as to why traffic jams happen.

Last week, On the Media interview the guy who created Tetris. You have to listen to the audio; the guy sounds exactly like Yakov Smirnoff.

In Soviet Russia, meme perpetuates you.

In Soviet Russia, meme perpetuates you.

And lastly, Rod Hilton has finally gotten around to writing his abridged script of Star Trek, making the ten thousandth lens flare joke since the movie was released.

Categories: About Me · Off-Topic · The Industry
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Been a While

June 16, 2009 · 1 Comment

Before you ask, yes, I know it’s been a long time since I wrote a post.  When one of these dry stretches occur, you can rest assured that I am either A) unemployed, and thus have nothing to write about, or B) so very employed that I am too busy to write any posts.  I can’t really say which applies here, for obvious reasons.

But I’m back now, and ready to unleash a torrent of witty anecdotes, clever observations, and unabashed egotism.  I also have a backlog of questions from various people who seem to think I’m a lot smarter than I really am, which I promise I will answer… eventually.

Stay tuned!

Categories: About Me
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Mail Bag

May 8, 2009 · 8 Comments

I haven’t kept up with the ol’ mail bag like I should’ve.  Time to play catch up.

Rob writes:

You had mentioned that you walked into an interview and impressed them despite wearing a t-shirt and jeans and being unshaven. You got the job.

Do you have any tips on how to ace an interview? Especially for someone like me who has never worked as a PA before?

Tip one: Shave.  (You too, ladies.)  It was a stupid risk I took, coming in all sloppy.  I’ve done it on another occasion, and I failed miserably.  Don’t mistake a humorous anecdote for actual advice.

Tip two: Do your research.  Figure out who the players are and find something, anything, you can talk to your interviewer about.  There will be small talk, so at least have something prepared.

Tip three: Be friendly. 90% of the interview is to ensure that you’re not creepy or a drooling idiot.  They already liked your resume.  The job is basically yours to lose at this point.

- – -

Ben writes:

I graduated from film school in California last year and have been living in London the past 6 months freelance PAing (on set), mostly working on music videos. I am planning on coming back to California in a matter of a week or two and am beginning to freak out over my lack of contacts in LA (and the fact that 90% of the work I have managed to get since graduation has been in music videos and commercials rather than features or TV, which is where I ultimately want to work).

What I am wondering is how I can best land a job PAing in general, and on pilots this season specifically. Is it too late for me this season? If not, do you suggest cold calling production companies, or is there a better way these days?  I managed to get work over here in the UK by interning unpaid for a production company for a couple weeks, and they began to send jobs my way and threw my name around with their contacts. Is such a plan feasible back home? I don’t usually hear of such internships in LA, so I’m concerned as to how to get going in a new town.

Interning is a great way to make contacts, but you can’t intern without being in school.  It’s against California law to hire someone without paying them; also, there are liability concerns.

As far as how to find jobs, just click the “Finding a Job” category on the right side of the page and read on.

And pilots?  They’re done.  You’re looking for series now.

- – -

Joyce asks:

I’ve been thinking I should get business cards to pass around. Your opinion? And if yes, would it just have my name and contact information?

I’m sort of divided on this.  On the one hand, a business card makes it look like you take yourself way to seriously.  On the other, it gives people you meet something physical to remember you by.

Truth be told, I don’t know of any PAs that do it, but that doesn’t mean it won’t work for you.

- – -

Joel writes:

I’m sending in some resumes and cover letters to a bunch of different productions and I was wondering if it is appropriate to specify which department you want to work in.  I’m interested in working in camera– should you call the production office and ask for the camera department and talk to someone with them, or is that not really an option?

The camera department probably doesn’t have a phone.  They’re on a truck.

Every production office I’ve ever worked in collects resumes for all the departments, and I’ve never once seen a department head ask for those resumes.  It’s a weird sort of kabuki we do.

Generally, department heads hire people they know.  The way to get to know a department head is by working in lesser positions and making friends.  It’s why I work in the office, to meet writers.  You should get a set PA job and make friends with the ACs.

- – -

Lastly, Nathan, my second fan, offered me this news:

PA Bootcamp has both of our blogs linked on their homepage now.  I’m not complaining, but WTF?

Cute.  All publicity is good publicity, I guess.

Although, they do list me as “Anonymous Assistant,” when the title of the blog is properly “The Anonymous Production Assistant.”  I registered with WordPress as “anonymousassistant” with the hopes that, someday soon, I would be a writer’s assistant, and the blog’s title could change without affecting the address.

Going further afield of the point, when I first started, googling “anonymous asssistant” would land you with this chick. I wasn’t even on the first 100 pages.  Now, I’m the top hit.  Woohoo!

Anyway.

I received a few emails from Das Bootcamp last month, including one addressed to Nathan.  (They even invited me to meet them at a camp session, seemingly missing the point of the whole “anonymous” thing.)  At my wife’s behest, I discontinued my baiting of the group, and never responded to those e-mails.  Still, in the spirit of today’s post, I present to you those e-mails, in all their glory.

These are, by the way, copy-and-pasted from my inbox.  I’m not going to go and [sic] the hell out of these letters, much as they may deserve it.  Just assume the spelling and grammatical mistakes are the writer’s own.  Or, possibly a secret code activating their sleeper agents trained in a “P.A. Bootcamp.” (Which, I should note, is a misspelling in and of itself.)

From April 7, 7:39 AM–

P.a. Bootcamp Thank you for your posting.

Your negative “opinion” could cost us. But you have the right to it, and if you don’t care about others helpful services who are we to be critical. As long as your readers understand that this is your OPINON and not based on any FACTUAL EXPERIENCE with P.a. Bootcamp, we wish your blog all the best.

You have people however now jumping on the ban bootcamp bandwagon and it will continue to cause a stir. We understand it is getting your blog more attention which is great but it has the potential to hurt others in the process.

Poster JOSH is saying that we go after people who don’t praise us. That isn’t true. We feel unfairly passed judgement on by people who trash us before having any right to. If one of your posters were to attend, find it not worth their time and money than they have every right. Would you say a meal is going to taste bad before trying. Would you day a movie sucks before viewing. Would you comment to a set of parents that having children is a drag to everyone?

If you don’t care and this doesn’t effect you, so be it. We have the right to speak, as much as you do, so we are sharing our thoughts.

Telling you that attending could make a believer out of you, you addressed that on your blog. But then implied that isn’t enough. What would you like? Our staff to not be able to pay rent and bills and provide you all that we teach?
This seems a bit stupid for business sense no?

We’d like suggestions from you. You are so wise at this, how would you go about making P.a. Bootcamp sound worth it? Close up shop and start giving these years of accumulated knowledge from multiple crew members out to people for free? Try for quantity and not quality? Don’t help production, or the A.D.’s just tell everyone the same rule applies to every show and every department? Mislead people who really want to learn?

From April 7, 9:45 AM–

We wanted to take the time to thank you.

Hello. We would like to take the time and thank you for your blog.
You have helped us gain more campers, surprising, with the economy being what it is. As often as blogs do, it stirs interest. We are quite happy with these results. You set out to do that, you have succeeded, and helped our small business in return. Thank you again. We hope we can return the favor some day.

We don’t want to cause any controversy on your blog. We won’t be participating in comment (until we need free press again maybe)
But we wanted to take a minute to thank you.

:)

All the best.

-P.A. BOOTCAMP STAFF www.pabootcamp.com

From April 7, 2:52 PM–

Hello.

I’m assuming this is Nathan,

My name is Charles Canzoneri.  I am not an owner of P.A. Bootcamp, but I do work for them.

Things have quickly turned unfortunate, and rereading the posts, I see it is not entirely your fault.  You initial post contained a flippant comment about the “course guide”, but it appears that reader Josh has really fanned the flames with his remarks.  From there, a couple of members we have on staff to look for internet traffic have taken it upon themselves to protect the company’s interests.

For some, this has become a main source of income during the production slowdown brought on by the current economy and lack of a SAG agreement.  (I’ve been lucky to be working full time on “The Office”.)  That is why the replies from our side have been harshly defensive.  We apologize.

You state that you are traveling and that you may blog about all this.  Before posting a judgement, I would like to invite you to meet with members of our staff, perhaps even during a camp session.  We are a legitimate business whose members work within the Film and television industry in a variety of positions (mostly P.A.’s and A.D.’s.)

Of course, you can post what you wish, and I know you have no control over your readers and their comments.  But I would like you to see the camp for yourself, and ask your questions to us directly about the camp’s content and price.  Maybe we can help you to see (as you put it) “the point.”

When I first heard of P.A. Bootcamp, I was completely unconvinced.  I thought you could train somebody everything they need to know in an hour or two.  I was invited to see the camp and was amazed by how much there is to learn.  And yes, some of it can be learned in a “trial by fire” basis over time.  But with the camp, P.A.’s arrive completely ready to handle the rough sets and the harsh A.D.’s.  They don’t burn the bridge of the first sets they get on.  The camp weeds out people who have the wrong idea about what’s required and how a set really operates.  While everybody retains their own knowledge and learns at their own pace.  There is a definite improvement to a Bootcamp trained P.A. over an untrained one.

After seeing the camp, I was convinced, and asked to help them out.  That was 3 years ago.  The camp is so much better now than it was then.

Charles Canzoneri
P.A. Bootcamp Staff

And again from Chuck, on April 7 at 7:15 PM–

Hello, from Chuck Canzoneri

Wasn’t sure if you received it at my account from work, so I’m using the main Bootcamp computer.

I’m assuming this is Nathan.

My name is Chuck Canzoneri.  I’m not the owner of P.A. Bootcamp and I don’t run it, but I do work for them.

Things have quickly turned unfortunate and rereading the posts, I see it is not entirely your fault.  Your initial post did contain a flip comment about the “course guide”, but it’s the reader/commenter Josh that really fanned the flames with his remarks.  You questioned the need for such a camp, while he called us an outright “scam.”

From there, a couple of members we have on staff that do internet research, email replies, site updates and network traffic watching took it upon themselves to protect the company’s interests.  They even got a couple of former campers to respond.

For some, this business has become a primary source of income during the production slowdown brought on by the current economy and lack of a SAG agreement.  (I’ve been lucky, working full time on “The Office.”)  This is why the replies from our side have been harshly defensive.  We apologize.

You state that you are traveling, but will probably blog about all this.  Before posting judgement, I would like to invite you to meet with members of our staff, perhaps even during a camp session.  We are a legitimate business whose members work within the Film and Television industry in a variety of positions (mostly P.A.’s and A.D.’s).

Of course, you can post what you wish, and I know you have no control over your readers and their comments.  But I would like you to see the camp for yourself, and ask your questions to us directly about the camp’s content and price.  Maybe we can help you to see “the point”, as you put it.

When I first heard of P.A. Bootcamp, I was also completely unconvinced.  I thought you could train somebody everything they need to know in an hour or two.  I was invited to see the camp and was amazed by how much there is to learn, stuff that I just take for granted. (Over 270 terms…we really do speak a different language.)  And yes, some of it can be learned in a “trial by fire” basis over time.  But with the camp, P.A.’s arrive completely ready to handle the rough sets and the harsh A.D.’s.  They don’t burn their bridges on the first sets they day-play on.  They can move into staff positions immediately.

The camp also weeds out people who have the wrong idea about what’s required and how a set operates.  While everybody learns and retains that knowledge at their individual skill level, there’s a definite improvement to a Bootcamp trained P.A. over a completely green one.  Think about a screenwriter.  They don’t need to read “Adventures in The Screen Trade” or “Story” or take Robert McKee’s seminar to write Pulp Fiction.  But there’s a reason why these resources are so popular.  They put your head in the right place so you can deliver what’s expected.

After seeing the camp, I was so convinced that I asked if I could help out.  That was 3 years ago, when they only had around 150 terms and the cost was $175.  P.A. Bootcamp is constantly evolving, and the camp of 3 years ago is a pale shadow to the current incarnation.

Chuck Canzoneri
P.A. Bootcamp Staff

Phew.  Those have been sitting in my in-box for a month, staring at me, pleading to be responded to.  But I think I’ll leave the responses to you, dear readers.

Categories: About Me · Finding a Job · Off-Topic · On the Job
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Happy Anniversary!

April 24, 2009 · 36 Comments

I started this blog one year ago., and it’s time for a little reflection, I think.

My goal was to write something, every day, even if it was just a silly story on a blog.  I haven’t posted every single day, but as this is my 243rd post out of 261 possible weekdays, I came pretty darn close.

Five people read my first post.  206 read yesterday’s.  (A record 504 people visited the site on April 7th.)  That first month, I got 70 hits; now I never get less than a hundred in a day, even if I don’t post.

My original focus was on describing what it was like to be a PA.  (Sure, I’d sometimes go on a rant about politics or the news, but I basically stuck with the PA thing.)  Exactly six months into the blog, someone decided I was some kind of expert and asked me a question; now I get several questions a week.

A few friends have told me they’d like me to go back to the funny stories, and give advice less often.  So, I wonder what you, the reader, thinks.  Am I not funny enough anymore?  Should I give out more advice?  Am I striking a good balance now?

Some of my most popular posts include:

Good Mornin’ (this one’s number one mainly due to a link from Alex Epstein)

How to Move Up from Reality TV to Real TV

Something I Will Never Understand

I Hate Directors

Memo to Anyone Sending in Their Resume

Is PA Bootcamp Worth It?

Hm.  They seem evenly split between advice-giving and general PA nonsense.  It’s hard to judge what’s really capturing my audience’s imagination.

In fact, I’m not even sure who my audience is.  Other production assistants?  Below the line crew?  Writers?  Bored housewives in the midwest?  Who the hell are you people?

Categories: About Me
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The Inverse Relationship of Seriousness and Gravity

April 17, 2009 · 11 Comments

I met a former Las Vegas police officer, and he told me the following story:

We got a call for a suicide. Self-inflicted gunshot to the head.

You could see the victim from the front door. He was sitting at the kitchen table, kinda in profile. The entry wound was on his temple. The gun was still dangling from his left hand.

It was all pretty straight forward, so I sent the rookie in to check out the scene. Like I said, you could see the entry wound from the door, but when he walked around the table, he saw the exit wound.

An entry wound is like what you see on TV– a bloody hole just about the size of a bullet. The exit wound is something else entirely. The right half of this guy’s head was gone. Brains splattered everywhere, bones broken every which way, an eye hanging down by where his cheek should be.

The kid wasn’t expecting it at all. He came running out of the house, kneeled over the edge of the porch, and vomited his guts out. The rest of us just died laughing. Someone pointed out the neighbors were on their lawns, watching us, but it didn’t matter.

We couldn’t stop laughing.

Compare that with Rob Long talking about getting a sandwich:

Making a movie or television show is hard work, and sometimes the high point in your day is the turkey sandwich on sourdough toast with mayo on one side and mustard on the other and when it comes untoasted, well, that little moment in between network notes and bad news from the studio is sort of ruined. And it’s hard not too get really really mad about the untoasted sourdough — irrationally mad, yes, overreacting and inappropriately raging, yes — because, well, you know going in that the network is going to be awful and the studio is going to be obstructionist and the production is going to go over budget and the effect isn’t going to look like it’s supposed to and the star is going to be irritating and the audience is going to be fickle but, really, you had a pretty good shot at getting that bread toasted. I mean, there’s a toaster in the restaurant, yes? And slices of bread were proximate to that device? So, basically, what you’re telling me is that even the stuff that’s supposed to go right, that can easily go right, is going to go wrong?

Is it just me, or do the people who should take their job seriously, don’t, and the people who shouldn’t take their job seriously, do?

Categories: About Me · The Industry
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