It’s Rather Easy Being Green, Actually

In recent months, there’s been much discussion of shows “going green.” Don’t believe a word of it.

I heard on some entertainment show or other that a particular show-that-shall-remain-nameless is reducing paper by giving all of the actors Kindles.

I happen to know a guy on said show. When I told him about the story, he laughed heartily and said, “Oh, God, no. That’s just a bald-faced lie.”

I thought I was saving the environment.

Which makes sense. Can you imagine giving an actor a (relatively) expensive piece of electronic equipment, even one with a single button? These people can’t make it from their trailer to the stage without getting lost. (For those of you not in the business, oh God, I wish I was kidding.)

From what I hear, all Fox shows got rid of plastic water bottles, which is probably more of a cost-saving measure disguised as concern for the environment. Instead, the crews are given reusable metal bottles.

But not the actors, of course; they’d lose the bottles.

On my show, the only noticeable changes are that all of the office lights now use those cute, twisty energy-saver bulbs, and they’ve installed motion sensors in the bathroom.

I’m more than a little embarrassed to note that, after delicious Mexican lunch from the catering truck, I was in the bathroom so long that the lights turned off. On the plus side, I have empirically proven that I can, indeed, find my asshole without the aid of a flashlight.

Overheard in the Catering Line II

Or is it III, since I double posted the last one?

Anyway.

I was standing behind a couple of PAs from another department.  Post, maybe?  In any case, I overheard the following conversation, as they were perusing the food options–

“What should we get for him?”  (Their department head, I assume.)

“I dunno.  He said he wanted protein, right?”

“Bread, then?”

This is why so many people have such a low opinion of PAs’ intelligence.

Overheard in the Catering Line

Gaffer: “The guys are complaining that they’re only getting ten hours, but when we’re working fourteen, sixteen hours, they’ll coplain then, too.”

Best Boy: “Don’t worry about the crew… until they stop complaining.”

This was accompanied by a meaningful look, to which the Gaffer nodded slyly.

I’m not certain, but I may have just witnessed the birth of the Revolution.

Overheard in the Catering Line

Gaffer: “The guys are complaining that they’re only getting ten hours, but when we’re working fourteen, sixteen hours, they’ll coplain then, too.”

Best Boy: “Don’t worry about the crew… until they stop complaining.”

This was accompanied by a meaningful look, to which the Gaffer nodded slyly.

I’m not certain, but I may have just witnessed the birth of the Revolution.

Feed Me!

There is always food on set. Always.

It took some getting used to, for me. My first day on set ever, the AD told me I should go grab some breakfast before things got hectic. I approached the catering truck sheepishly. I only had five bucks in my pocket, but I wanted to fit in (it being my first day and all).

I asked the guy how much an omelet cost. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “The production pays for it.”

So I ordered an omelet, toast, bacon, pancakes, and orange juice. I came back for fruit later.

It’s like that on every set. Even short films where everybody is working for free, you can still expect at least pizza or sub sandwiches for lunch.

On one low budget production I worked on, the UPM suggested that the office staff buy our own lunches on days when the crew was on location. The coordinator and accountants pitched fits, threatening to walk off.

It’s strange. I don’t think there’s any other business where people assume they will be fed. Other than restaurants, I suppose.

Both Rob Long and The Hollywood Juicer agree that crafty and catering are there as a service to keep the crew happy. And it’s true, we’re pretty much not allowed to leave for twelve to sixteen hours (or twenty, if you’re on a David Fincher movie).

But still. Teachers aren’t allowed to leave (and there’s probably other professions I’m forgetting, too), but they don’t expect food for free.

Maybe this is why my jeans from college don’t fit anymore.