Art Project

When you’re looking for a job, scanning Craig’s List is a constant source of both humor and horror.  Case in point:

Bondage Art Project (North Hollywood)

Digital artist seeking female models for bondage art project. I need a few lovely models for a series of mock kidnapping photos/videos. Must be comfortable with being tied up, and have a love for art that pushes boundaries (no nudity).

Uh, yeah.  Even if I was “comfortable with being tied up,” I doubt that that would be a blanket policy encompassing any wierdo I find on Craig’s List.

CHRISTIAN MALE MODELS AGE 18-20 (TORRANCE)

*******CHRISTIAN MODEL CASTING CALL!!! WE ARE LOOKING FOR “ON FIRE FOR THE LORD” MALE MODELS. MUST HAVE A CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE AND A TESTIMONY IS A +. LOOKING FOR ALL ETHNIC BACKGROUNDS FOR AN UPCOMING EVENT AND OPORTUNITY!!! CONTACT MONICA

I get the capitalization.  If there’s one thing that gets my attention, it’s capital letters.  And exclamation points!  I loves me some exclamation points.  But what’s with the seven asterisks at the beginning?  Could they be symbolic of something?

I also love that they want you to contact Monica, patron saint of alcoholics.

"Are you calling about the used sofa, or the Christian modeling gig?"

Production Assistant Portfolio

Reader Drew commented on an old post, yesterday:

I’m just starting to put together a resume for future jobs – I have two independent films under my belt – and for the examples I find, they have a portfolio section. What goes into a PA’s portfolio? Production photos of them?

I think they just crammed everything they could think of into a template.  I can’t even begin to imagine what would go into a PA portfolio.

The purpose of a portfolio is to show off work that you’ve created or produced.  The thing is, PAs don’t create anything, except maybe paperwork.  It’s a pointless, soul-crushing, life-draining job that produces nothing of value.

I’m a little tired, by the way.

Anyway, just skip that section.  If you’re not in the art department, it’s just filler, and employers will see that immediately.

Is “Guy” Gender Neutral?

I applied for a job last week. At the interview, they told me it came down to me and one other person.  My prospective employer said they’d make their decision by Monday.

On Tuesday, I called to see if they were still weighing their options, or if they went with the other guy.

“The other girl.”

Now, she didn’t quite emphasize it that much, but she definitely wanted me to know that they hired a female, not a male.

To me, “guy” is gender neutral.  It just takes less time than saying “person.”

Yet another image of the Anonymous Production Assistant.

Am I crazy?

Can’t Find a Job

I’ve called up everyone I know, even the ones I hate and swore I’d never work with again. I’m cruising all the usual websites, even my old alma mater’s job board (which never has anything good, despite being the oldest film school in the world).

I finally resorted to a tactic I absolutely loathe. I called every TV show I like, and asked if they had any open positions.

I don’t recommend it. I called fifteen shows in a row, and got fifteen straight rejections. I felt like I was single again.

Almost everyone said I could fax in my resume, and they’d keep it on file. I’ve filed hundreds of such resumes in my short career, and have never once opened up that binder to hire someone. I asked my boss, and she says she’s done it a couple times in her twenty year career, mostly for day players.

I’m going to start calling movies next, but I expect to have as much luck with film as TV. (By the way, the Hollywood Reporter’s production listings tend to be more reliable than Variety’s, but you have to have a subscription to see those online.)

I recently received an e-mail from a new website, called FiveSprockets.com. It seems to be a social networking site, along the lines of Trigger Street, but with job listings, too. Right now, though, the site is too new to have anything interesting up.

Speaking of networking sites, I found a Yahoo! group similar to the Google group I mentioned the other day. LA Producer is for “Los Angeles based Exec Producers, Line-Producers, UPMs and Production Supervisors or Coordinators.” Ask your coordinator friends to join, and reap the benefits of menial labor.

While we’re talking about links, Hollywood Juicer directed his readers to Life Below the Line, a blog about sound mixing and boom operating. It’s as sexy as it sounds.

This anonymous blogress claims to have “Tales From the Bottom of the Film Business,” but my readers know this can’t true. Literally. Still, a very good read, and highly recommended.

How to Move Up from Reality TV to Real TV

Reader Kelly writes:

I love your blog, just wanted to say that.  Thanks for writing it.

Awwww.  Well, that’s it for today!

…Oh, wait, no. She also had a question:

I have been working more and more in production, specifically most recently in reality.  How do I get into being a P.A. in features or in network television.  What sites are good too look at besides craigslist, entertainmentcareers, and the UTA list.

This is a problem I suffered through for (too many) years.

Both the UTA Joblist and EntertainmentCareers.net are geared more towards being an assistant than actual production work.  (By the way, many people bag on the UTA list, but my first two jobs in the industry came from it, so I won’t complain.)

Mandy.com and the various film, television, and porn-related pages of Craig’s List are great places to find low (or deferred) paying gigs on non-union projects.  The thing to remember is, other than maybe the director and producers, nobody is working on those shows for the love of filmmaking.

“But Anonymous, if they’re not making money, and they don’t like doing it, then why are they there?”

Credits.

Take the show I was on at the beginning of this year (during the strike).  Our 1st AD was actually a 2nd AD on a network TV series.  All of our camera operators regularly paid the bills as camera assistants on movies.  Same with our DP– he’s usually a gaffer.

The point is, on most of these low-budget productions, the crew around you works on bigger budgets the rest of the year.  Make friends with them.  Get their phone numbers and e-mail addresses.  When this show ends, and it’s time to find some more work, call them up.  Ask the production designer if she needs an art PA, or ask the AC if he needs a camera utility.

And lastly, there’s the Coordinators’ 411 Google group.  Obviously, it’s a place for coordinators to help each other out.  People post messages asking about the best place rent office furniture, or what copy service to use, or if anybody knows a good PA.

You have to be a production coordinator to join, but you don’t have to be a coordinator to enjoy the benefits.  I have a few friends who are on the mailing list, and they forward me any “Need a GREAT PA for network show!” messages.  (How come no one ever needs a mediocre PA?)

I strongly suggest you make friends with a coordinator, and ask her to send you job postings. I’ve only heard about it in the last year or so, but I’ve gotten a dozen interviews, including my last two network TV jobs, from this site.

Hope that helps.

Oh, Goody! My First Reader Question!

Reader Brian sent me a question, proving once again that “expertise” is a meaningless concept on the internet.

I really enjoy your blog — thanks for all the info and frequent posting.

That’s not actually part of the question. It just made me feel good.

I just applied for a PA position at a network comedy after meeting their showrunner at a film festival. After a chat, said showrunner told me to call his line producer at the show and say that “I [the showrunner] said to contact” him about PA work.

I need to stop you right there. Here’s the thing about showrunners, besides the fact that my spell checker hates them: they don’t often know how a show is run. They create the characters and story, but they can’t tell an electrician from a grip. (A hint: look what’s in his hand; if it has a plug, he’s an electric.)

The line producer is his contact with the actual production. Since hiring PAs is several pay grades below the LP, it’s possible this showrunner just didn’t know who to direct your query to.

I phoned this week, got hold of the line producer’s assistant, and sent her my resume for passing along to the line producer and other appropriate departments.

Never, ever, ever trust someone to forward your resume to someone else. I’ve been burned by this in the past. Through either laziness (it’s not their department, so they don’t care) or avarice (they want to have you, not that other department), it won’t get to where you want it to.

If you wanna be an art PA, ask to be transferred to the art department. If you want to work in locations, ask for the location manager. Don’t expect an assistant to do your leg work for you.

Also, on your initial call, you should have asked if there were any open positions. The season is well underway, and having a one-time chat with the showrunner does not guarantee you a spot. Of course, people are hired and fired all the time, so you never know. Which is why you should ask.

My questions:

1. When’s the appropriate time for me to follow up?
2. When I do follow up, should I speak with the assistant again, or try for the line producer directly?

1. When I worked at an agency, my boss’s rule of thumb was 2-3 days, depending on how busy they sounded and what time of day you sent it. If you spoke on Monday, Wednesday’s a good day. Called on Wednesday? Try Friday. And so on.

2. The line producer has many more important things to do than talk to a prospective PA, unless the showrunner’s your brother. I’m assuming you would have mentioned that, so so let’s go with, “He’s just not that into you.”

Talk to the assistant. Make friends with the assistant. In a few years, she’s gonna be the line producer, and you’ll be… whatever you want to be. Hopefully, she’ll still want to talk to you.

Lastly, in this case, it’d be a good idea to get transferred to the showrunner’s assistant. Just ask him to pass along the message that it was nice to meet Alan Ball or John Rogers or whoever. You don’t want him to forget about you, either.

Updating IMDb

I’m trying to update my IMDb page because, even though everyone knows it’s totally inaccurate and completely unreliable, everybody uses it.  It’s weird, I know.

Updating is a pain in the ass. They expect you to update your TV credits episode-by-episode. That’s just bad web design. I’ve worked on more than sixty episodes of television this year (a lot of reality TV), and I don’t have time to do each episode individually.

Here’s IMDb’s explanation, from their help page–

Why is it so hard and time consuming to add a new credit or film to your database?

Every now and then we get complaints from people who attempted to submit new films or credits, or change data for existing ones, and had a really hard time doing it. We understand your frustration: but in almost all cases, the reason for delays or rejections is due to a failure to understand how our database works and what information is needed for us to accept additions/corrections. In order to keep our data as accurate and current as possible, we have to be very strict when it comes to accepting or rejecting submissions.

So, basically what they’re saying is, “It’s your fault. Also, fuck you.”

Job Search Update

Apparently, the Craig’s List ad I referred to in my last post has already been flagged. I’d like to think one of my readers took it upon themselves to mark it inappropriate.

Yup, just doin’ my part to clean up Craig’s List.

On a side note: while searching for other inappropriate ads to make fun of, I came across this on the best of Craig’s List– An Open Letter to Porn.  (How do you like that aggregation, Gillian Horvath?)

Job Search

I’m on a job hunt right now, much sooner than I’d expected.  While perusing Craig’s List, I came across this ad.  After the usual rigmarole about being diligent and hard working, the ad ends thusly:

Please send a RESUME (with contact info)and a PHOTO.

Wow.

I like how he staunchly avoids using the feminine pronoun, even though he’s totally looking for this:

Maggie Gyllenhaal in Secretary

After that, he adds:

Do not send links, such as myspace in replacement of a photo. The application will be rejected if instructions are not followed.

So, not only does he expect you to send free porn, he doesn’t even want to go through the effort of clicking through to get at the free porn.  He just wants it in his inbox.  Now, that’s a power player.

Anyway, wish me luck on the job search.  Hopefully I’ll find something before I have to resort to this section of Craig’s List.

- – -

Also, thanks to Hugo for directing me to the section of the WGA website that explains the rules regarding freelance writers.

The Company has the option of either (1) interviewing freelance writers for each unassigned story commitment, or (2) hiring freelance writers.

That reads to me like they don’t actually have to hire any freelance writers, though later it reads:

For series with an order of 13 or more episodes, the Company may choose the above or may choose as follows:
13 to 21 order – a minimum of two freelance writers to write two stories with option for teleplay.
Order of 22 or more– a minimum of three freelance writers to write three stories with option for teleplay, one of which must be exercised.

I’m still a little confused.  You can either interview freelance writers, or hire them.  What kind of rule is that?