Overheard in the Production Office

I was filling out my mileage form yesterday, and I wondered how much it was going to be worth.  The current rate is 50.5 cents, and that extra half cent threw me off.

“Goddamn it, why can’t they just use whole numbers?  Decimals just screw me up.”

Without looking up, the coordinator said, “Use improper fractions.”

- – -

On a completely unrelated note, why is “maggie gyllenhaal” the most common search leading to my blog for the last month?

Question for Coordinators

Who decides whether to send a PA or a teamster to pick something up?  And why?  It seems so arbitrary.

Somethings are pretty standard.  If it’s too big to fit in a PA mobile like a Civic or a Corolla, the teamsters will pick it up in a truck.  If it’s a script delivery, a PA will always take it.  (I guess they’re afraid a teamster might scare the actor or something.)

But one day they’re picking up walkies, and the next day I go to the same place to pick up walkie chargers.  Sometimes I go to the expendables store, sometimes they do.  I just don’t understand how the decisions is made.

Say Yes

If you’ve ever taken an improv class, you’ve heard the rule, “Say Yes.” If your partner says, “Man, it sure is cold up here on the moon,” you don’t say, “No, no, this is the old west.” You’d be surprised how many people want to do this.

PAs have a similar rule, or at least a similar attitude. If someone asks you to do something, you say yes. It doesn’t matter who they are, or that it’s not really your job, you just do it.

The on-set dresser is moving furniture? Lift the other end of the couch. The location manager needs to copy some maps? Take the originals and run the copies yourself. The set PA needs signs saying, “Base Camp This Way–>”? Fire up the computer and make it happen.

You’re a PA; you say yes.

The problem is, this can quickly turn into abuse. One day, you ask the post PA if she wants you to pick up something from the studio, since you’re going anyway. The next day, the post coordinator calls you up and tells you he needs you to deliver dailies to seven executives, and a couple of producers along the way.

Wardrobe, casting, hair, and make-up all love to find things for other departments to do for them. If you’re not careful, you’ll find you don’t have time to do your own job.

What you need is a coordinator or AD who will protect you. You can’t say no, but they can.
They can say, “You’ve got your own PA/intern.”

Of course, sometimes this is just like your older brother defending you from a bully– “No one gets to beat up my little brother but me.” Still, the devil you know…

Oh, Canada!

AQBemp writes:

I’m in the UK and just about to finish uni (nothing film related). There is a scheme here where you can get a work permit/visa for Canada for a year once you’ve graduated as long as you get there by January 2010. At the moment I am really considering going to Vancouver. One main problem is if I was to go when should I go? I was wondering about US shows being filmed there, obviously they all start filming sometime around the start of July which I feel is too early as I want to try and get some experience in July over here. However is it the case that students might be PA’s over the summer and jobs might be available once they go back to uni (September)? Or is that just a silly idea of mine? For example I found an Australian’s cv on the internet and he started working on one such show in Vancouver in January. Is that just luck or do jobs as set PA’s come and go that much? There are a lot of things shot in Vancouver that I like and people seem to think it’s possible to get jobs there but I don’t really want to go there without having some experience over here.

Shows actually start filming as early as March, and usually no later than May. Even the mid-season replacements start shooting in late spring; after all, series get canceled after one airing nowadays. Those replacements need to be ready.

Writing an episode of dramatic television takes a month or two, from pitch to script. Dramas tend to shoot seven or eight days. Post (editing, color correction, mixing) can take weeks for a single ep. There is no way a series could keep up with this schedule if they started shooting weeks before the fall season begins to air in September.

As for your particular situation, I doubt any production would want to hire a PA on a temporary basis. Hiring anyone, even a PA, is a time consuming process; the AD or coordinator would prefer to do it once a season.

You could, however, work as an intern. If your university does have some sort of film or television program, see if they can connect you with a production in Canada. Barring that, cold calling is your next best bet.

Getting a job mid-season is mostly luck. Also, I don’t know Australia’s television schedule; January might be a normal time for them to start.

I really want to become a script supervisor one day but am very happy to try and get a job as a runner/PA and do that for as long as I need to be if I can be a script supervisor in the end. Out of interest do you know if that is something a lot of people want to be?

It’s an unusual goal, but hey, if you like it, go for it. I don’t know much about how one becomes a scripty, though. Try Script Goddess. She’ll be much more helpful than I.

Would going to Vancouver without any experience be really stupid if there is a chance I could get a job as a runner over here in the summer? It’s just I know a UPM of feature films (babysat his children when I was at school), you’ve definitely seen a film he’s worked on and I was thinking of asking him for advice on getting a job as a runner/asking who to contact. Do you think there is a chance that talking to the UPM might help lead to something good somewhere? Would you risk going to a country where you know no one when I have people here I know?

Okay, this would have been pertinent information at the beginning of your email. You know a UPM? Personally? Ask him for a job!

My mom once sent me an clipping from my hometown newspaper. It was a “Local Boy Makes It Big in Hollywood”-type story. A guy who went to my high school had become a producer on a successful game show.

His last name was the same as a family friend’s, so I called up my mom and asked if he was related.

“Yes,” my mom said, “it’s his brother. Why? Did you want to get in touch with him?”

Hell, yes, I did. This is how you break into the business.

Is this a UPM in Canada, or England? If he’s in Canada, your problem’s solved. UPMs don’t often deal with PAs directly, but if he tells the coordinator or AD to hire you, they will. If he’s in England, he can at least help you get the experience you need.

And as far as moving to another country, I’m not sure if I can help you. That’s a bigger deal than moving across the country (even one as big as the United States). I don’t know the relative sizes of the Canadian and British TV industries.

I do know that Canada’s is somewhat dependent on the fluctuations in Hollywood (i.e. when the value of the US dollar goes down, production is less likely to flee north of the border). British TV, I would assume, is more independent than that.

Your UPM friend may have a better answer. If you talk to him, I’d be interested to hear about it.

Office PA Vs. Set PA

Thomas writes:

I was reading your blog tonight and you have some really interesting stories and anecdotes.  None of which are surprising,  I’ve only been on like two sets in my life…but I can imagine how hectic and crazy things might get.

I just had a quick question for you.

You mention that a memo was passed around the office the other day.  I guess I am confused, since you PA mostly, doesn’t that mean you freelance and therefore don’t work out of the office? Or is that like a second job.

Sorry if this sounds like a silly question, I’m really trying to break in to the industry and get started and maybe do some more work, but all I’ve done is a few short PA gigs that either paid nothing or basically nothing.

It’s not silly. I can see how you might be confused.  There are really two kinds of production assistants: Office PAs and Set PAs.

It sounds like you’ve worked as a set PA.  They’re the guys who help the ADs keep things moving.  They shuttle actors to and fro, they lock up the set, they distribute paperwork that the office sends them.

An office PA, on the other hand, helps the production coordinator.  Their job is to keep the office running smoothly.  They answer phones, make copies, do runs.  Smaller movies may not need (or be able to afford) office PAs, but every TV show has them.  The writers write so many scripts, it’d be impossible to copy everything without a PA dedicated to the office.

Of course, there are production companies where you’ll serve the same basic function as an office PA when they’re shooting.  That sort of job is more permanent than freelancing as either a set or office PA.

Why would you want one job or the other?  It depends on where you ultimately want your career to go.  Being a set PA is a basic requirement for joining the DGA as a 2nd AD.  It’s also a great way to meet the crew, like grips, sound mixers,  camermen, and the like.  You can learn from them and network, and eventually move into one of those fields.

Conversely, office PAs have a pretty straight path to being a coordinator.  They also interact with departments that spend more time around the office, like art, or the writers.

In the end, whichever you path choose, networking is the real goal of a PA.

Who Hires a PA?

Samantha writes:

I’m a soon-to-be college grad, and I’m planning on moving out to LA this summer. I was wondering who it is I should be contacting to get a PA position? People have told me numerous positions like the AD and the UPM, but I don’t know who I really should be getting in contact with.  The place I’m interning at right now has a film in pre-production that should start filming this summer, and I’d like to ask my supervisor for a recommendation for a PA position, but I think I’d best know who exactly it is I should have him send it to!

Getting a job on a movie or TV show is not the same as getting a job at a bank or law firm.  People don’t write (or read) letters of recommendation, like you seem to be imagining.  Usually, it’s a matter of someone (your boss, in this case) saying to someone else, “Hey, are you hiring?  I’ve got a guy who needs a job.”

If the production company you’re already interning at is making a movie, parlaying that internship into a PA job should be relatively easy.  Just ask your boss to recommend you to the AD or production coordinator.  They’ll most likely listen to the company that’s paying the bills, after all.

Which one he recommends you to really depends on what kind of position you want.  The production coordinator hires the office PAs,  while the AD (or 2nd AD) hires the set PAs.  (The UPM rarely hires production assistants, unless it’s a really, really small show.)

Congratulations on graduating!

Self Perception

I ran into someone I knew from another show. We hadn’t seen each other in a while, so we caught up on the usual “How ya doin? What’ve you been working on?” stuff.

Then she said an odd thing. She said she always remembered me as the guy who smiled a lot.

Me? Really?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be thought of as a happy guy. I just didn’t think anybody thought of me that way. Which just goes to show you don’t always know yourself as well as you think.

A little while ago, a very stern memo was sent around the office and set. (I use passive voice purposefully here; I didn’t pass out the memo, for once.) I don’t remember the exact wording, but basically it scolded people for bringing pets to work.

The showrunner’s assistant came in and asked if my boss had written the condescending memo. (The producers frequently bring their dogs.) Since I hadn’t distroed it, I was pretty sure she hadn’t.

When my boss heard the showrunner merely suspected she’d written this rude memo (not an unreasonable assumption, since who else writes stupid memos?), she got really angry. She couldn’t believe he thought she would write something so mean. So, she immediately stormed out to tell the showrunner off.

I thought to myself, Did it ever occur to you that, if people have this opinion of you, maybe you’re not giving the impression you think you are?

Oh, and the AD wrote the memo.

Pardon Me While I Complain a Bit

Today, my boss handed me a memo about tomorrow’s table read.  Time, location, who’s going to be there, things like that.  The memo is dated today, but in the body of the text, it reads, “tomorrow, August 21st.”

Apparently, she copy-and-pasted an old memo.  Which is good, actually; ctrl-C, Ctrl-V is pretty advanced for someone who hates computers as much as she.

For instance, a few weeks ago, I had to drive to West Hollywood, which is about as far from a freeway as you can be in Los Angeles without swimming.  I debated aloud whether it would be faster to take Santa Monica or Hollywood or Melrose.  Sigalert and Google maps were of no use, since they only show traffic on freeways.

My boss said, in the smugly superior voice only a hardened Luddite can muster, “That’s why I use a Thomas Guide.”

“Are you suggesting that a paper map, printed over a year ago, will give me traffic information on a surface street at a particular time on a specific evening?” I don’t actually ask, because my wife would be mad at me for getting myself fired.

Anyway, she obviously didn’t notice the erroneous date on the memo, and neither did I.  But our locations guy did, and he said so. Jerk.

So, my boss had me go around and collect all of the memos, reprint them, highlight everyone’s name again, and redistribute them.

Everyone, everyone, was shocked that we would waste paper this way.  The art department told me not to even give them a copy.

Who does she think will be confused?  Is Dr. Who on our staff? Is the rigging crew working on a time machine so they can make it to tomorrow’s meeting two months ago?

It makes me want to punch myself in the face, because, even though it makes just as little sense, at least I’ll eventually knock myself out and maybe forget the whole thing.

Why Didn’t You Remind Me That I Reminded You?

Some days, I think my boss is a blithering idiot.  (By the way, did you know “blither” means “to blather”?  Thanks, dictionary.com!)  Other days, I think she’s pants-shittingly crazy.

We have a production meeting tomorrow, so my boss wrote up a memo with the time and room number, and had me copy it fifty times (17 for the people who will be there, 23 for the people who couldn’t give a shit, and 10 because she hates trees or something).

But Anonymous, that’s not crazy; it’s just wasteful!

Keep your shorts on.  I’m getting there.

There’s a memo we send out daily about the next week’s meetings, location scouts, and things of that nature.  Part of my job is to call all the departments and ask if they need to add or change anything.  I write notes on today’s memo, then give it to my boss, so she can update tomorrow’s.

So, I handed her the memo with my handwritten notes, but before I even got to the door, she said, in this annoying sing-song voice, “You forgo-ot so-omething!”

“Really?  Who did I forget to call?”  In all honesty, I do forget to call some people occasionally.  Mostly because I don’t care.

“No one, but you didn’t make a note about the production meeting tomorrow.”

Wait.  Are you serious?  You want me to write you a note about the meeting you scheduled and you wrote a memo about, not three hours ago?  Who does this make sense to?

As my friend said, What is in her brain?

Oldness.

It Won’t Happen Again

Higher-ups often ask questions when things go wrong– “Why are you late?” “What happened to all the coffee?” “Why is my dog dead?”

I used to feel compelled to answer these questions. “There was traffic.” “You drank it all.” “You don’t know how to take care of anything other than yourself; it’s a wonder you children are still alive.”

Then one day, an AD gave me the best advice I ever heard. “When I ask, ‘Why didn’t you bring me these call sheets sooner?’, I don’t actually want to hear the reason. I really don’t care. All I want to hear is, ‘It won’t happen again.’”

And it’s true, he couldn’t care less. (That’s right, “couldn’t.” Every time my current boss says, “I could care less,” I die a little inside.)

There’s no point in explaining to your boss what happened. What is he going to do with that information? It’s your job; he doesn’t need to know how to do it.

Besides, explaining what went wrong will just lead to your boss explaining how you should have done it, which you already know, because what you did do didn’t work. “It won’t happen again” is just the easiest, fastest way to get the conversation over with.

Sorry about the overly long, overly serious post.  It won’t happen again.

(Easy joke.  Sorry.  Won’t happen again.  I swear.)