The Anonymous Production Assistant’s Blog

I walked into the writers’ office yesterday and saw a ping pong ball and two paddles sitting on the assistant’s desk.

I paused, staring at the ping pong ball.

This was one of those moments you see in indie movies, where the character is contemplating his life, but you don’t know exactly what he’s thinking because, you know, “show, don’t tell.” But, since this isn’t a movie, I can tell you. I was thinking:

This is where I should be– counting how many times I can bounce the ball while idly bullshitting with the other writers about whatever this week’s story is. Then, suddenly, the story breaks, and we leap to our computers and start furiously pounding out the script.

Now, I know this isn’t how it always works. Writing can be frustrating and dull and lonely. But it can also be engaging and exciting and social, in the right circumstances.

I told my wife about ping pong ball, and she rolled her eyes. “That’s not really writing.”

You see, my wife is under the misapprehension that “writing” consists of the time spent at the keyboard. In fact, she uses “writing” and “typing” interchangeably. “Do you do any good typing today, sweetie?”

She does this mostly because she knows it annoys me.

The truth is, there’s much more to writing than the actual typing. An electrician’s job is to light the set, but the entirety of his job is not encompassed in the moment he switches on the lamp. He has to lay cable, position the light, set the dimmer board.

When I’m playing Portal for the eighteenth time, or calling up friends, or just staring at the ceiling, I can see why that’d look like goofing off. What I’m really doing is laying cable.

Although, sometimes, I am just goofing off.

John August has another one of his Scene Challenges up.

The goal is to write a scene where one character explains to another what investment derivatives are.  It was a difficult writing problem, since I have no idea what investment derivatives are.

I’m #48.

Yesterday, I said writing is not producing.  I didn’t mean that as an insult.

When I came to LA to attend film school, I thought the writer was in charge of the filmmaking process.  It turns out, I was wrong.  People usually laugh at me when I relate that bit of youthful naiveté.  Or they tell me I should work in TV.

After much soul searching (and ego suppression), I decided directing was not for me.  I still wanted to be a writer.

When you tell a friend you just saw an awesome movie, what do they ask?  “Who’s in it?” and “What’s it about?”  Since most movie stars play the same character over and over, what they really mean is “Who are the characters?” and “What is the story?”

And guess who is the progenitor of the characters and story.  That’s right– the writer.  Everyone else is just interpreting.